I'm writing this poem for Dutch,
A childhood friend who left behind
a lyrical legacy for me.
He passed away years ago, but he is the one
who first sparked my passion
for writing poetry.
I remember how he used to live with his abusive father
he once beat Dutch till his body was left battered
from what felt like broken bones
and i remember seeing shattered windows splattered
with his mother's blood, in his broken home.
and while most children get finger-paint kits
as Christmas gifts,
Dutch's father used his fingers & fists
to paint Dutch's face purple.
Leaving behind hues of blue
And i remember seeing Dutch's knees buckle
after getting hit with bare knuckles.
brutally beat with verbal insults that left
bruises on his brain like belt buckles.
And with tears in his eyes,
i would watch Dutch craft his pain into poems
after getting hit with clenched fists
from his abusive father
who never bothered
to give him a hug or a kiss.
And as a result of being hurt,
Dutch became an introvert.
He would run to the library and check out poetry
books written by Maya Angelou,
and Langston Hughes.
See, writing poetry became a form of therapy,
to free his mind from the depression.
And his poetry journal became his most prized posession.
With pen and pad in hand he would write down poetic words
to help purge the eternal pain of living with a madman.
See, Dutch was psychologically scarred, his life was hard
and he rarely cried
and i remember how he couldnt hold his tears inside, the day his lil sister Nancy died.
See Dutch's father used to like to place his hands over
the mouth of his children whenever they cried.
and suffocate them until there was silence
so he knew his lil sister was murdered of homicide
even tho the coroner couldnt determine the cause of her death.
So he ruled it sudden infant death syndrome.
It was only a matter of time before CPS placed Dutch in a foster home.
And by the age of twelve, he became a ward of the court.
He suffered from post traumatic stress syndrome according to his
social worker's report.
Suffering from suicidal thoughts, he was separated from his siblings
and sent to live in a foster home
and when he felt depressed,
he became obsessed
with writing raps and reciting poems.
but anger lurked within his heart
he inherited his father's temper
and i remember how he came to foster feelings
of hate for his white foster family
the day they called him a nigga.
haunted by nightmares every night
Dutch decided it was time to end his life.
so he slit his wrists with a razor blade
of redemption.
releasing a rhythmic gush of ink blots
that resembled blood drops on the pages
of his poetry journal.
And i remember the day i told my family that Dutch had died,
he ended his life by committing mental suicide.
he buried his whole self esteem
and laid to rest the feelings of anger, hatred and self pity
he once felt on the inside.
and i buried his tragic childhood in an unmarked grave of my memory
where skeletons of his past can no longer be dug up,
and he can rest in peace free of misery.
and they say the most brilliant poets have experienced
the most tragedy,
and from the pain of past experiences they learn to paint
beautiful pictures with words.
but in order to paint,
a poet must first persevere and triumph over there
own personal hell and pain.
because you cant spell the word paint, without pain
so the child i grew up with named Dutch passed away.
but he didnt die from attempted suicide,
he simply put his past away
and i saw the person who used to be Dutch earlier today
he's a lot taller now, more educated, and he's matured into a man
he's unlocked his unlimited potential,
he is successful, not a bum and a prolific poetry author
he has a son and a beautiful daughter,
He knows what he wants in life and has a career,
and he will read his poetry to anyone who wants to hear
he even volunteered to help abused women and foster children persevere.
so its true, Dutch, the boy who wrote poetry
and suffered from ptsd overcame all adversity,
but whoever knew Dutch would grow up to be me,
whoever knew Dutch would drop the name his father gave him
and change his name, to Alaric Dixon.